Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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