i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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