What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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