I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
