my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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