The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
