I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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