Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
