I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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