No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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