and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
