May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
