My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize