The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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