You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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