She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
