Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
