I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
