dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
