i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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