Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
