you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
