Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
