Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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