Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
