I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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