Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
