i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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