dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
