***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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