some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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