you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
