how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
