that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
