Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
