plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
