Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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