i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
