I wannas sexs uuuuu
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She told me I should be a condom model.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
