I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
