So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
