dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
