Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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