youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
