I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
