please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
