I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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