somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
