the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
