Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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