I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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