Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When did angry sex become our thing?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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