Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
