So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize
