i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize