remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize