What did we do last night that was yellow?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
