Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
