so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
