Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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