you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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