My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
