you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
