the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
