I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
