how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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