dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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