she was so not down for the gang bang
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
