RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
