Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
home. puking in laundry basket.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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