he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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