I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
