lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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